Calm the F*ck Down

 I miss my grandfather dearly, but in no way would I want him to be here today in the era of social media. Forced into early retirement due to a litany of health problems, he spent most of his days in his rocking chair looking out the big picture window facing the highway. It gave him lots to complain about. The snowplow was going too fast. Traffic was going too fast. Even in the mid-80s, the world was just going too fast for him.

He was no stranger to the RCMP. So often he would call in complaints that they would stop by his house on courtesy calls. It was nice of them to do that, really. My grandfather’s gripes weren’t entirely off-base. But sometimes, someone only needed to listen, assure him they were doing their best, and usually it was enough to pacify. It might not prevent letters to the editor in the local paper, but it did apply some pressure to a trickling surface ego wound.

My grandfather was not a formally educated man, but he was a smart man, maybe one of the smartest I’ve ever known. As an adult, two decades since his passing, I still remember his wisdom, which made a more lasting impact than those off-the-cuff, absurd observations he would posit from time to time. He once said that heavy metal music was a communist plot, in that they would make everyone deaf so we wouldn’t hear them coming. It’s a hilarious notion. But beyond the silliness, there is a troubling undercurrent that my grandfather and others like him in his day were in fact too deaf to hear. And it persists today a hundred-fold via social media.

We’ll get to that a little later.

Recently I received a Facebook invitation to join a group that posts local news incidents and stories. SCANNER Freddy Beach is an online group with thousands of followers who are invited to post information that’s unfolding in real time in the community. The group name refers to the old practice of listening to a police scanner when you were being nosy and wanted to know what was going on before anyone officially told you. I’m not going to apologize for that—it’s being nosy. My grandfather had a scanner, and it fueled a lot of his ranting. New age, new medium, same nosiness.

The SCANNER page shares posts of everything from accidents and fire to traffic jams and thefts. The moderators of the page appear to be very well-intentioned and have strict rules about page etiquette, which is at least an effort to be, or appear to be responsible. Generally, false stories are not allowed, and participants must maintain respectful tones, which I would expect from a public forum.

Over the last few days, I have seen several posts about one particular incident. According to the post, young women have been approaching people in parking lots outside busy shopping areas—Costco, Walmart, Superstore, for example. They offer white roses to people, almost always “attractive” women, according to the post. From there, the details vary. Some claim that the women are trying to raise money to support their own children. Some claim that they offer a rose, then demand $10 or $15. There may be someone in a car watching the whole transaction, and they’re scouting for women to abduct. The same women, or same type of women are spotted in other cities—some even as far away as out west. Some claim the police are afraid of them. Or maybe they’re indifferent, or their hands are tied because they haven’t actually committed any crimes. Some claim that the flowers are laced with drugs—either fentanyl, which we all know can kill you, or some sedative to knock you out so they can presumably stuff you into a sack and ship you overseas. Why overseas? Because the women with the roses are women from overseas. You know, immigrants.

That’s a lot to unpack from a series of Facebook comment threads, let alone the poor grammar and misspellings that naturally follow.

I usually just read a few comments and scroll on, because most of the posts are either none of my business or don’t mean anything. There’s a fire in a neighbourhood in Fredericton? That’s unfortunate, and I hope everyone is okay. But if it were me dealing with a house fire, I would be embarrassed that complete strangers were gossiping about me. I’m sure they already do.

Now, I’m no stranger to Facebook arguing. I have always believed that we all have the responsibility to confront people who are rude, lying, or insulting. Otherwise, they continue to believe that these behaviours will be tolerated, and worse, that they’re justified. So, if someone I know says something that is patently false online, I feel that I have the right to correct them—especially if the false claim could go on to hurt or mislead people. That’s why I was unapologetic in my defense online of vaccinations during the pandemic. I do not now, nor ever apologize for calling out people for taking an anti-vaxx stance. I digress; this is a separate topic, but I wanted to establish context as to why I even bothered chiming in.

My comment, to paraphrase, was as follows: If you’re worried about these people handing out flowers, all you have to do is say “No, thank you,” and walk away. Because, for as many terrifying reasons we can imagine, no one actually thought that maybe they were victims themselves. When you’re down on your luck, you’ll forego your pride if it means eating supper tonight. No squeegee kid or panhandler wants to beg—it’s humiliating. While there is no telling why these women are handing out flowers, there is just as much a possibility that they are not in some nefarious human trafficking ring.

Maybe they’re just poor.

I know, roses aren’t cheap, and people have also spotted the women getting in and out of nice cars. Like I said in the beginning, it’s none of my business. And none of yours, either. That changes if you engage with them and fall for a scam—but just like a telemarketer or a Nigerian prince, it’s on you to just say no. If enough people did, there would be less market for scam artists in the first place.

Last year, there was an alarming rise in awareness of human trafficking. It seemed to happen overnight—the news was somehow neglecting the very real threat that our children were being abducted and sold, and this all eventually led to the real reason it became a hot topic. It was a distraction story during the pandemic. The government’s priorities were all wrong. They were more concerned about curtailing your rights than the children. Any reasonable-minded person would surely understand that the safety of our kids is way more important than whether I wore a mask. Right? What followed, of course, was no action from those same concerned citizens. Once the hot topic had simmered, life went on.

SCANNER is perpetuating this distortion of reality. What people are doing when they post rumours in a public forum is assuming that they can deliver news as good as, if not better than the media. Journalism is a trade. It takes years to learn, and a lot of work to do well. It involves investigation, gathering facts, and interviewing persons involved. It requires strong language skills, and even stronger people skills. When someone introduces the term “mainstream media” to an argument, I immediately shut it down, because to accuse the free press of being inherently deceitful is disrespectful to a respectable and vital profession.

Those same people who discredit the news would sooner read their information from Facebook threads, or Twitter feeds, or YouTube channels, or Joe Rogan-esque podcasts. Where are the sources who can confirm that the rose-ladies are con artists? In SCANNER, it’s irrelevant. The whole point is to alert the reader that something fishy is going on—and this is the real problem—that the default answer is the worst possible scenario. “It could happen to you.” “It doesn’t just happen elsewhere, it happens right here at home.” “Distrust anything that you don’t understand.” Just when it looked like there would be some healthy and courteous discussion, the moderator turned off comments. This tells me that on SCANNER Freddy Beach, clarification of the story or fact-checking is not wanted.

And that is why SCANNER Freddy Beach and other pages like it are a problem. In less than three hours, no less than ten of my own Facebook friends shared the same article. And the response is almost always that default to the worst—those women are criminals, and therefore beneath us. Not once have I seen someone offer any sort of empathy. Anyone forced to forego their own dignity in public deserves some level of compassion, don’t you think? I wonder if the person passing out flowers were a veteran if they would receive the same scorn. Or if they had a dog. Or if they just “looked Canadian”.

You can post anything you like on Facebook. For me, I’ll either ignore it or interact with it if I feel it’s appropriate for me to do so. But when you do, all I would ask is that you take the extra few seconds before clicking “send” to ask yourself why you’re posting it. Have you fact-checked what you’re saying, or just assuming? And ask yourself why you feel the need to be a social justice warrior, and if you’re prepared to actually do something to back it up.

Otherwise, calm the fuck down. The RCMP don’t have time to come to your house to do it for you.